as you may have guessed that's due to the fact that things turned completely to shit. Long story short A took the day of course cause his mate was here, but didn't want to take me to run my errands so I took the bus to town with Mr 1 and was walking round doing flier drop for my charity when A started calling me going nuts at me. He was accusing me of being in town with someone else, saying I was whoring around being a slut probably sucking some other guys cock. I hung up on him numerous times as I just couldn't handle what he was yelling at me. I was out trying to do something to give back, and all he could do was shit all over it and me. But he wouldn't stop calling and every time I answered he kept yelling and abusing the hell out of me. So I hung up and stopped answering his calls. By that stage I was at a complete loss as to what to do. I didn't want to go home to him. What for to just have to put up with more of it. But I didn't have anywhere else to go. That's when I thought of my case worker at cyfs from ages ago. ( my eldest boys paternal grandfather told cyfs I smoked pot and p and that's why I ended up with a case worker. Of course I do neither, so it was just a complete joke) But she wasn't there so I had to see some other lady and she brought in the police lady that works in their building for them. I didn't know what to do it was all happening so fast and I couldn't stop crying long enough to say anything really. So when the officer answered my phone and told him to get out of the house before I got home, all I could think was well atleast he won't be there to yell at me when I get home. But I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to be in the house alone and upset. So I went to stay with K my besty of 20 years. As soon as I called her she came running. It was so good to see her as I'd missed her so much. We stayed up till some ungodly hour of the morning, talking and crying and just being. It was just what I needed at that time.
A and I were txting bakc and forth all night as he didn't understand why I had done what I had. So I explained it to him the best I could. But I really don't think he'll ever understand how the way he treats me and speaks to me affects me so deeply. It completely breaks me and I just want to run away from him and never come back. But I can't do that because I love him and because of my boys.
He said he would prove to me how much he loves me and that he would do anything he needed to to get me back. He even said he'd quit weed, sort out his anger and sell his PS3. I told him to sort out his anger and quit weed, but that he'd probably ahve to do it before I'd let him come home.
Stupidly I let myself see him and talk to him the next day as he wanted to see Mr 1. We talked all night and he stayed over. I explained to him that I was scared of letting him come home as I didn't want it to end up like this all over again, and he promised it wouldn't.
That was now 2 weeks ago. He hasn't quit weed and hasn't been to a counselling appointment yet for his anger. He's making more off an effort sexually but that's not something I asked for this time. I have been asking for a better sex life for years. This time I told him exactly what I wanted from him, I was brutally honest with him. Now I'm starting to regret my decision to let him come home without proving himself first. This won't work if he doesn't quit smoking pot. I've cut back heaps on my drinking, now I only drink once or twice a week if that.
He's not even making an effort to cut back on how much he smokes. And to make matters worse he's practically moved his mate in, or onto our property after I said I didn't want that happening and he said it wouldn't. I feel like the only reason he wanted to come back was so that him and his mate would have somewhere to be instead of sleeping in their cars. Although his friend still sleeps in his car, but now it's parked up on our property. And from what I can tell he's going no where fast. He has no job, no benefit and isn't attempting to get either.
So angry today. Angry with A, angry with myself.
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