for us to go our seperate ways was not taken very well by you. I said what's the point when you make it obvious that you don't want to be with me, yo unever have any time for me as you choose to play your game, smoke or be busy with mates either on or off line. But when it suits you you use me well us as well as accesories. I deserve better, and so do our kids. After 10 days of getting up early for your daughter I am so run down I have a cold sore.
Instead of talking to me like an adult about why I want us to go our seperate ways you yell at me and tell me I can go my own way if I want but I'll be going alone. You tell me you'll be taking our son, that I'm not aloud to leave with him. So basically you're black mailing me into staying with you. What's the point in that. That doesn't show me that you love me. That shows me that you don't want to have to do it on your own, and you don't want to have to stand on your own 2 feet. You could have shown me how much you loved me in so many different ways, but instead you choose to black mail and threaten me.
Late last night you asked what I was doing, and when I snapped and yelled at you that I was just killing time while I waited for you to come and pay some attention to me, all you could say was "why don't you come in here" and you walked off and shut the door as I called behind you "what for so I can sit in there and be ignored by you instead"
Why didn't you chase after me and hug me and make me feel special by saying something like 'I'm so sorry babe, I love you so much, we'll do what ever you want, screw the game you're way more important to me, I can live without my game, but I could never live with out you' how hard would that have been.
It's things like that that help me know you don't really love me, not the way I love you.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
once again
it's been a very long time since I've posted.
Don't go getting your hopes up thinking oh things must be better, because they're not. They're progressively getting worse. But it sneaks up on me. He'll be so fantastic for days, well the longest so far was 4 days running. Then he'll snap at me again.
But lately it's just spirallng. A few weeks back I walked away from him as he was yelling at me while I was trying to feed Dex his lunch, (he had only just got out of bed as per usual) I shut the door to Dex room and sat behind it so he couldn't come in and keep yelling at me. He tried to kick it down and in the process Dex was launched off my knee and hit his head on the end of his cot. That was due to the force of Aaron shoving the door behind me. After I told him I didn't want him to come in and to just go away till he'd calmed down. I ended up calling the police cause I was scared he would actually kick the door down and hit me. That got rid of him pretty quickly.
On Thursday 20th I was trying to get him out of bed early so that we could go and do what we needed to do, and what we had organised to do. He snapped and jumped out of bed and threw me into the corner of the hall. I walked away and told the kids we'd take the bus instead and started getting them ready for that. That's when he walked out and kept going at me. He spat in my face while I was holding Dex cause I wouldn't give Dex to him, (I told him I didn't want him taking the kids in the car when he was in that state as I know how he drives when he's angry) when I did eventually put Dex down he took him and Madi to the park and then txt saying he was sorry and wanted to talk. I'm so sick of the sorrys.
Now this afternoon, he slept till 12 as usual because he was up all night playing his game on the PS3 and smoking pot. He got up and straight away said he was going out cause his mate had txt wanting a lift. I said fine but to not bring htem back here as he should be spending time with his kids instead. He didn't like that and nutted at me. I was holding Dex as I was making his bottle and getting him ready for his day sleep. He went to spit in my face and I put my hand out towards his mouth. He being the narcisist that he is siad I punched him and kept trying to spit in my face, he got me and Dex. Revolting pig.
His latest nacisistic behaviour is telling me that he's going to call the cops and tell them to get cyfs to take my kids off me cause I cause all the fights by racking him up. A real man knows how to walk away. He is not a real man. He just hates when ever I say that he should be spending time with kids. But really what's the point in him being here if he doesn't want to be present in their lives. He shouldn't just get to do the fun bits every now and then when it suits him.
I cook for them, do dishes, all the washing, vacume, mop, bath them, dress them, I toilet trained Madi and yet he takes half the credit for it, what a joke. He never gets up to the kids in the morning. He won't even spend time with them until he's had a coffee and a smoke. What a joke. I make their breakfasts, change nappies and get them dressed before I do anything for myself. That's what being a parent is about. You're children come 1st. I knwo hypocritical seeing as I'm still here with him. But it won't be forever. It won't even be for that much longer at the rate he's going.
The way that he makes it all my fault though really fucks me off. It's even worse when he starts asking Basty what he thinks and telling him that it's all his mums fault. He should not be involving Basty in grown up matters. But cause Basty comes and asks us to stop yelling Aaron turns around to him and says tell your mum it's all her fault for making me mad.
And then when he tries to basically black mail me into staying with me. By saying that if I don't shut up he'll leave with the kids and I won't see them till I take him to court. And that if I leave with them he'll have me done and make sure they get taken off me. By telling me that he'll call cyfs and tell them to take them away cause they're better off with out me. I've stopped drinking and still he says that he'll tell them I'm an alcoholic and have mental issuues and can't look after my kids.
Despite the fact that he sleeps half their lives and does nothing to help with them at all.
Don't go getting your hopes up thinking oh things must be better, because they're not. They're progressively getting worse. But it sneaks up on me. He'll be so fantastic for days, well the longest so far was 4 days running. Then he'll snap at me again.
But lately it's just spirallng. A few weeks back I walked away from him as he was yelling at me while I was trying to feed Dex his lunch, (he had only just got out of bed as per usual) I shut the door to Dex room and sat behind it so he couldn't come in and keep yelling at me. He tried to kick it down and in the process Dex was launched off my knee and hit his head on the end of his cot. That was due to the force of Aaron shoving the door behind me. After I told him I didn't want him to come in and to just go away till he'd calmed down. I ended up calling the police cause I was scared he would actually kick the door down and hit me. That got rid of him pretty quickly.
On Thursday 20th I was trying to get him out of bed early so that we could go and do what we needed to do, and what we had organised to do. He snapped and jumped out of bed and threw me into the corner of the hall. I walked away and told the kids we'd take the bus instead and started getting them ready for that. That's when he walked out and kept going at me. He spat in my face while I was holding Dex cause I wouldn't give Dex to him, (I told him I didn't want him taking the kids in the car when he was in that state as I know how he drives when he's angry) when I did eventually put Dex down he took him and Madi to the park and then txt saying he was sorry and wanted to talk. I'm so sick of the sorrys.
Now this afternoon, he slept till 12 as usual because he was up all night playing his game on the PS3 and smoking pot. He got up and straight away said he was going out cause his mate had txt wanting a lift. I said fine but to not bring htem back here as he should be spending time with his kids instead. He didn't like that and nutted at me. I was holding Dex as I was making his bottle and getting him ready for his day sleep. He went to spit in my face and I put my hand out towards his mouth. He being the narcisist that he is siad I punched him and kept trying to spit in my face, he got me and Dex. Revolting pig.
His latest nacisistic behaviour is telling me that he's going to call the cops and tell them to get cyfs to take my kids off me cause I cause all the fights by racking him up. A real man knows how to walk away. He is not a real man. He just hates when ever I say that he should be spending time with kids. But really what's the point in him being here if he doesn't want to be present in their lives. He shouldn't just get to do the fun bits every now and then when it suits him.
I cook for them, do dishes, all the washing, vacume, mop, bath them, dress them, I toilet trained Madi and yet he takes half the credit for it, what a joke. He never gets up to the kids in the morning. He won't even spend time with them until he's had a coffee and a smoke. What a joke. I make their breakfasts, change nappies and get them dressed before I do anything for myself. That's what being a parent is about. You're children come 1st. I knwo hypocritical seeing as I'm still here with him. But it won't be forever. It won't even be for that much longer at the rate he's going.
The way that he makes it all my fault though really fucks me off. It's even worse when he starts asking Basty what he thinks and telling him that it's all his mums fault. He should not be involving Basty in grown up matters. But cause Basty comes and asks us to stop yelling Aaron turns around to him and says tell your mum it's all her fault for making me mad.
And then when he tries to basically black mail me into staying with me. By saying that if I don't shut up he'll leave with the kids and I won't see them till I take him to court. And that if I leave with them he'll have me done and make sure they get taken off me. By telling me that he'll call cyfs and tell them to take them away cause they're better off with out me. I've stopped drinking and still he says that he'll tell them I'm an alcoholic and have mental issuues and can't look after my kids.
Despite the fact that he sleeps half their lives and does nothing to help with them at all.
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