In the past few days you have....
yelled at me infront of our boys repeatedly. Screaming at me that you are the man of the house and your say is the final say and that I am to listen to you and treat you as the man of the house, that your word is law.
This has been screamed in my face about 6 times in the past 2 days now. How can I respect you when you treat me like that. I don't even want to be around you. I don't bother waking you up in the morning cause it's nicer when you're not up. You only ignore us when you are anyways. Like today you got up as Dex was going to bed and then spent the rest of the day (excluding coming out long enough to eat dinner) in your room talking to your mates and smoking pot. The fact that Dex knows to go and knock on the door to say good night to you is just wrong. You couldn't even spend time with him before he went to bed you chose to stay in your room. Your excuse being that you're going to spend all day tomorrow with him.
But I don't even know if I want to leave him with you. How do I know that you won't just yell at him for interupting you while you're trying to smoke pot or talk to your mates or play your stupid game.
Today you slept till 12.30 (after staying up on your game all night last night, again) but before I saw you I heard you, yelling at me from the bedroom cause you couldn't find the back to your phone. Saying it was my fault for letting Dex in the bedroom. But Dex hadn't been in our room this morning. I hadn't even been back in there after getting up. I spent all day in my pj's cause I didn't want to be around you. When you did come out to the lounge you walked up and kissed Dex who was sitting on my knee, didn't even acknowledge me. Until you started yelling at me again. Calling me a fat lazy worthless bitch and ordering me to get of my fat arse and look for the back off your phone.
Tonight when I walked into the kitchen you were making a coffee, I said ot you could you please use the same cup all day as yesterday I washed 6 coffee cups for you and it kinda sucks when I'm the only one doing the dishes. You responded with how bout you talk to me bout this later when I'm not talking to someone else. I said but you weren't talking to anyone you were standing there in silence making a coffee. Then you went off at me again telling me to fuck up.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
I hate you....
that's what I thought at least 10 times today. While you were yelling insults at me. Yelling at me in front of our sons, even though I told you to stop. Downgrading me in front of them. You yelled repeatedly calling me a fat worthless cunt, bitch, fat fat fat. Yelling that if I don't get my licence I'm going no where in life. Well you've had yours for years and you're still going no where.
My name is Sarah Melanie Chase. I was born on 27th October 1983 in Sydney, Australia. My mum is Dorothy Jeanette Lowrey, my sperm donor father is Terence Chase. Aaron Mark Whalley is my abusive, narcissistic boyfriend. He emotionally blackmails, degrades me, physically assaults me. He has spit on me (on 2 occasions when I was holding our son), kicked me, pulled my hair so hard I thought I would have a bald patch. Thrown me down or against walls, punched my arms, grabbed me by the throat. Thrown hot coffee at me.Threatened me repeatedly.
Just today he told me he would bounce the phone of my face. Leave i the middle of the night with our son Deklin Mark Lowrey-Whalley. Threatened to slit my throat, kill me, give me a tune up, smack me in the face, punch me in the fucking head. All his words not mine. No matter how many times I pick up our son and walk away so he doesn't have to hear it, he just follows me and keeps going, then blames it all one me. Saying to our son, See what your mum makes me do'
I can't wait to be free of you. I deserve to be loved and cherished and adored. Appreciated and romanced. You do not deserve me. You spend your evenings gaming and talking online to your mates because clearly that's what's important to you. Well my kids and my happiness are important to me. You are no longer important to me.
I get up every day with our kids while you sleep in. I make all of their meals, clean them, do all the house work, except for cleaning your room (where your PS3 and marijuana plants are) I organise everything. I get our kids ready for bed, bathe them, dress them, entertain them, while you do what ever you want to do. When you do take them to the park it's never longer than 15 mins. I am the one who makes sure that they have everything they need and most of what they want. I am the one that goes without for them, not you. You refuse to go without anything. I have quit smoking and drinking, 3 months without either now. So funny seeing as you always blamed all our problems on my drinking. Well you still treat me like shit everyday and I haven't had a drink in 3 months. Except for the 2 vodkas I had when you're mate Jeremy brought a bottle over. You are the problem in our relationship, your anger and resentment, not sure if it's towards me or not, most likely towards your parents but gets taken out on me.
You yelled at me today saying that you're the man of the house and you get the last say on everything. And that I have to treat you like the man of the house. I didn't bother to say what I was thinking out loud as I knew it would only make you yell louder at me and possibly throw something at me or hit me.
But what I was thinking was, if you want to be treated like the man of the house, you should behave like one.We don't even have a healthy sex life because of you, you're the one isn't man enough to please me on a regular basis, you're the one who would rather game and talk to your mates than be close to me, or be intimate with me. You're the one who hasn't bothered to get a job, because you're too lazy. You're the one who's a crappy male role model for our sons. You're the one who lets your daughter down all the time, but blames everyone else for it. You behave like a boy not a man. You're a lazy, disrespectful, ignorant, selfish, slobish wanker. I will be better off without you.
So I don't know why I can't seem to leave you. Maybe because you have broken me so much. Because I have allowed you to treat me this way for so long. Like Dr Phil says, we treat others how to treat us. So maybe you're right and maybe this is all my fault, but I doubt it.
My name is Sarah Melanie Chase. I was born on 27th October 1983 in Sydney, Australia. My mum is Dorothy Jeanette Lowrey, my sperm donor father is Terence Chase. Aaron Mark Whalley is my abusive, narcissistic boyfriend. He emotionally blackmails, degrades me, physically assaults me. He has spit on me (on 2 occasions when I was holding our son), kicked me, pulled my hair so hard I thought I would have a bald patch. Thrown me down or against walls, punched my arms, grabbed me by the throat. Thrown hot coffee at me.Threatened me repeatedly.
Just today he told me he would bounce the phone of my face. Leave i the middle of the night with our son Deklin Mark Lowrey-Whalley. Threatened to slit my throat, kill me, give me a tune up, smack me in the face, punch me in the fucking head. All his words not mine. No matter how many times I pick up our son and walk away so he doesn't have to hear it, he just follows me and keeps going, then blames it all one me. Saying to our son, See what your mum makes me do'
I can't wait to be free of you. I deserve to be loved and cherished and adored. Appreciated and romanced. You do not deserve me. You spend your evenings gaming and talking online to your mates because clearly that's what's important to you. Well my kids and my happiness are important to me. You are no longer important to me.
I get up every day with our kids while you sleep in. I make all of their meals, clean them, do all the house work, except for cleaning your room (where your PS3 and marijuana plants are) I organise everything. I get our kids ready for bed, bathe them, dress them, entertain them, while you do what ever you want to do. When you do take them to the park it's never longer than 15 mins. I am the one who makes sure that they have everything they need and most of what they want. I am the one that goes without for them, not you. You refuse to go without anything. I have quit smoking and drinking, 3 months without either now. So funny seeing as you always blamed all our problems on my drinking. Well you still treat me like shit everyday and I haven't had a drink in 3 months. Except for the 2 vodkas I had when you're mate Jeremy brought a bottle over. You are the problem in our relationship, your anger and resentment, not sure if it's towards me or not, most likely towards your parents but gets taken out on me.
You yelled at me today saying that you're the man of the house and you get the last say on everything. And that I have to treat you like the man of the house. I didn't bother to say what I was thinking out loud as I knew it would only make you yell louder at me and possibly throw something at me or hit me.
But what I was thinking was, if you want to be treated like the man of the house, you should behave like one.We don't even have a healthy sex life because of you, you're the one isn't man enough to please me on a regular basis, you're the one who would rather game and talk to your mates than be close to me, or be intimate with me. You're the one who hasn't bothered to get a job, because you're too lazy. You're the one who's a crappy male role model for our sons. You're the one who lets your daughter down all the time, but blames everyone else for it. You behave like a boy not a man. You're a lazy, disrespectful, ignorant, selfish, slobish wanker. I will be better off without you.
So I don't know why I can't seem to leave you. Maybe because you have broken me so much. Because I have allowed you to treat me this way for so long. Like Dr Phil says, we treat others how to treat us. So maybe you're right and maybe this is all my fault, but I doubt it.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
A build up to a break down
after holding everything for weeks now. Putting up with the way that you treat me. WOrrying about how much it's affecting and changing our children. Trying my best to walk away from you when all you wana do is fight with me. I exploded. I walked away from you almost 10 times the other day to avoid fighting with you, and everytime you followed me and kept going. I was trying to avoid you unsettling our son. I hate that he's happy all morning until you get up and start going at me. It's not fair on him, or me. We have become so toxic that we are poisoning our child. He gets anxious as soon as you raise your voice, wether it's at me or not, he's too young to know the difference.
So after you spend all day treating me like shit, then went out for the night with your mate to have fun, while I stayed at home. I was so angry that you got to treat me like crap all day then go have fun, while I was at home alone, sad and miserable because of you. Because of the way you treated me.
So when you got home I let rip, I told you exactly how I felt and how you make me feel. I told you how we are toxic and poisoning our children. How I don't feel like your mrs, that I feel like your flat mate that shares your bed. I told you all of it. You asked if I was going to kick you out, and maybe I should have. Actually I know deep in my heart that I should have. I know that you won't change. You said you would. You agreed to us having date night every Thursday. But I don't know if that will work or not. And honestly I resent having to book in time with you. It's not like you're so busy working that I should have to. You're just so busy playing your game, talking to your mates online and smoking pot. How can all that be more important than me. You manage to make time for the kids when you have to or when you choose to. So why can't you do that for me. The only answer I can come up with is that you don't want to. Your ego needs so much grooming that you need to have your mates and your game to make yourself feel like the man. Cause when you're with me you can't always satisfy me. But you don't make the effort to either. You finish 1st and that's it, you don't keep going in other ways to satisfy me. Despite the fact that you know I want you to. If I finished 1st and left you to deal with yourself I can just imagine the tantrum you'd throw. You actually said last time that we need to do it more often cause then you won't always come so quick. Well no shit sherlock. Yet still you make no effort to be with me more often. I flirted with you earlier, and you said our kids are up, so once they were in bed I came to you and said babe the kids are in bed. But as per usual you were too busy playing your game. I never get sex when I want it, only when you want it. That fucking sucks. If things are still going like this in another 6 months I'm going to call it quits no matter what. I just don't want to put anymore time into it than that. I've already put 5 years into this relatioship to feel like this everyday. Seems pretty fucking stupid to me.
So you have said that you will make the changes that you need to. Be more affectionate to me. Make time for me. Improve our sex life and the ammount of sex we have. Treat me like your mrs.
But already today you got snarky with me when I was on the phone to Stef, only to be proven wrong when he asked to talk to you and told you he was in Tga coming to drop Basty off. Like it's so awful that we still get on and want to be friends. But can't cause you don't like it. But I just have to deal with the fact that you are friends with 2 of your X's. So not fucking cool. Stef and I were friends when you met me, but I had to change that to suit you. You havn't stopped being friends with anyone for me. But you justify it by saying that it's cause you know I still want him, you can see it in my eyes. If I wanted him or anyone else for that matter I wouldn't be with you.
It was fine for you to go stay the night at your x's and sleep in her bed though. Funny that ay. Just another one of your double standards.
So after you spend all day treating me like shit, then went out for the night with your mate to have fun, while I stayed at home. I was so angry that you got to treat me like crap all day then go have fun, while I was at home alone, sad and miserable because of you. Because of the way you treated me.
So when you got home I let rip, I told you exactly how I felt and how you make me feel. I told you how we are toxic and poisoning our children. How I don't feel like your mrs, that I feel like your flat mate that shares your bed. I told you all of it. You asked if I was going to kick you out, and maybe I should have. Actually I know deep in my heart that I should have. I know that you won't change. You said you would. You agreed to us having date night every Thursday. But I don't know if that will work or not. And honestly I resent having to book in time with you. It's not like you're so busy working that I should have to. You're just so busy playing your game, talking to your mates online and smoking pot. How can all that be more important than me. You manage to make time for the kids when you have to or when you choose to. So why can't you do that for me. The only answer I can come up with is that you don't want to. Your ego needs so much grooming that you need to have your mates and your game to make yourself feel like the man. Cause when you're with me you can't always satisfy me. But you don't make the effort to either. You finish 1st and that's it, you don't keep going in other ways to satisfy me. Despite the fact that you know I want you to. If I finished 1st and left you to deal with yourself I can just imagine the tantrum you'd throw. You actually said last time that we need to do it more often cause then you won't always come so quick. Well no shit sherlock. Yet still you make no effort to be with me more often. I flirted with you earlier, and you said our kids are up, so once they were in bed I came to you and said babe the kids are in bed. But as per usual you were too busy playing your game. I never get sex when I want it, only when you want it. That fucking sucks. If things are still going like this in another 6 months I'm going to call it quits no matter what. I just don't want to put anymore time into it than that. I've already put 5 years into this relatioship to feel like this everyday. Seems pretty fucking stupid to me.
So you have said that you will make the changes that you need to. Be more affectionate to me. Make time for me. Improve our sex life and the ammount of sex we have. Treat me like your mrs.
But already today you got snarky with me when I was on the phone to Stef, only to be proven wrong when he asked to talk to you and told you he was in Tga coming to drop Basty off. Like it's so awful that we still get on and want to be friends. But can't cause you don't like it. But I just have to deal with the fact that you are friends with 2 of your X's. So not fucking cool. Stef and I were friends when you met me, but I had to change that to suit you. You havn't stopped being friends with anyone for me. But you justify it by saying that it's cause you know I still want him, you can see it in my eyes. If I wanted him or anyone else for that matter I wouldn't be with you.
It was fine for you to go stay the night at your x's and sleep in her bed though. Funny that ay. Just another one of your double standards.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
You're so mean to me
all the time. From the minute you wake up till the minute you go to bed. I hate you so much right now, pretty sure I don't love you anymore. It's like you live just to make me miserable.
You just rang me to nut off at me saying that you will be taking your money out tomorrow so that you can make sure your tick gets paid cause you don't want me fucking it up. But I'm the one who has always made sure that your ticks get paid. You're such a fucking ass hole.
You don't pick up after yourself.
I go to bed alone and get up alone every day. You come to bed hours after me and get up hours after me. Even though I've been sick for almost a week I still don't get to sleep in, or have time off from housework.
You don't do anything without having to be asked repeatedly first. Even then you normally pick a fight with me and tell me to do it myself.
You call me fat on a daily basis. Yesterday you called me fat then told me that I'm not loosing weight that I'm still just as fat as always. Then later when I said I may as well eat hot chips since I'm not loosing weight anyway you nutted at me again, saying well if you're just going to keep it going. What do you think you can just say men cruel things like that to me and it's nothing, I just forget it. Well you're wrong. The mean and cruel things you have said to me are always playing over and over in my head. They play so loudly that I don't ever hear any of the good things that you say to me.
Then you called me back just now and yelled at me saying "should I just not come back Sarah"
Honestly I wish you wouldn't. But I know you will. For one your PS3 is here, and secondly you don't have anywhere else to stay. You'll always come back because here you have it easy. Every things done for you. I know it's my own fault though. I've made it easy for you. But not for ever Aaron, no for ever. I deserve so much better than this.
You ignore me and that I can handle, but you do the bare minimal for and with our kids and that's just not fair on them. Just because I'm here and I love doing it all doesn't mean you get to check out as a dad all the time. They're more important than your stupid game or your weed.
Cracks me up that you always rant and rave saying that I control your money, and yet you always get what you want while me and the kids go without. I might budget our money out but you always fuck with the budget so that you can have what you want. You are selfish and mean.
If I had a car and knew how to drive I really don't think I'd be here tomorrow morning when you wake up, I think I'd just pack up and leave. No idea where I'd go, but I'm sure anywhere would be better than here.
So that's what I'm going to do once I'm working I'm going to save up for my own car and get my learners licence and learn how to drive. Then I'll have what I need to leave you.
You just rang me to nut off at me saying that you will be taking your money out tomorrow so that you can make sure your tick gets paid cause you don't want me fucking it up. But I'm the one who has always made sure that your ticks get paid. You're such a fucking ass hole.
You don't pick up after yourself.
I go to bed alone and get up alone every day. You come to bed hours after me and get up hours after me. Even though I've been sick for almost a week I still don't get to sleep in, or have time off from housework.
You don't do anything without having to be asked repeatedly first. Even then you normally pick a fight with me and tell me to do it myself.
You call me fat on a daily basis. Yesterday you called me fat then told me that I'm not loosing weight that I'm still just as fat as always. Then later when I said I may as well eat hot chips since I'm not loosing weight anyway you nutted at me again, saying well if you're just going to keep it going. What do you think you can just say men cruel things like that to me and it's nothing, I just forget it. Well you're wrong. The mean and cruel things you have said to me are always playing over and over in my head. They play so loudly that I don't ever hear any of the good things that you say to me.
Then you called me back just now and yelled at me saying "should I just not come back Sarah"
Honestly I wish you wouldn't. But I know you will. For one your PS3 is here, and secondly you don't have anywhere else to stay. You'll always come back because here you have it easy. Every things done for you. I know it's my own fault though. I've made it easy for you. But not for ever Aaron, no for ever. I deserve so much better than this.
You ignore me and that I can handle, but you do the bare minimal for and with our kids and that's just not fair on them. Just because I'm here and I love doing it all doesn't mean you get to check out as a dad all the time. They're more important than your stupid game or your weed.
Cracks me up that you always rant and rave saying that I control your money, and yet you always get what you want while me and the kids go without. I might budget our money out but you always fuck with the budget so that you can have what you want. You are selfish and mean.
If I had a car and knew how to drive I really don't think I'd be here tomorrow morning when you wake up, I think I'd just pack up and leave. No idea where I'd go, but I'm sure anywhere would be better than here.
So that's what I'm going to do once I'm working I'm going to save up for my own car and get my learners licence and learn how to drive. Then I'll have what I need to leave you.
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