documenting as promised

I said yesterday that I was going to start documenting everything again, so here goes.
This morning Aaron asked me for more gas money, and when I said no he had enough and he should walk if he didn't think he had enough. He went nuts at me. I explained to him that you he was the one who had said he would walk to help save more money. And yet once again he was the one wasting money when it needn't be wasted.
He went off on a tangent saying that he should have money when you want it and that I'm the one who lies to him about money. That he can't get a job and that's why he's on the invalids benefit. Even though we both know that he's just lazy.
And I voiced my opinion on that by saying to him that being a lazy cunt doesn't make him an invalid.
He screamed at me asking "do I need to drag you outside and smash your head off the fucking concrete to get you to understand that I can't work and that my condition is permanent"
I didn't answer him and he screamed the same thing another 4 or 5 times.
I still didn't answer him and he said "yea that's what I thought"
But really. I wish he would cause I know that then I would never ever let him stay or be with me.
He said I should go get a full time job. Even though I already have work and I'm the one who looks after the house and our children 24/7.
He then walked into the kitchen where I was potting up plants with Dex sitting on the bench. He said to me "get your fucking shit off the bench bitch, it's in my fucking way"
When I said no and told him to use the space above the microwave he went nato at me again. Poor Dex was trying to wriggle back away from you on the bench. No wonder he has such anxiety issues. He's living on egg shells just like me.
He also told me to cancel the SKY and said if I got it installed he'd rip it out and smash the box when he got home today. Always looking for a way to punish me when he can't control me.
He then took the pots off the bench and shoved them across the floor so they crashed into the rug and tipped over everywhere. Dex got more and more upset.
I picked him up and said "come on bubs, lets go out since daddies being a meany" Aaron refused to let me leave he said I wasn't going anywhere and blocked the door. So I walked away to Dex room saying I'd ring someone to come get me or him them.
He followed me into Dex room and continued to yell at me. I went to walk out past him and he slammed the door in my face and held it shut so that I couldn't get out of the hallway let alone the house. So I called the cops. What else was I supposed to do, he was refusing to either let me leave with Dex or leave himself. I hate that he made me feel that I had no other choice. But I don't have anyone else to call on down here.
He kept yelling at me, asking what was I doing and why was I doing this all over $5 gas. I explained to him that he knew it wasn't cause of the gas money. It was because of how he was treating me over me saying no to giving him the gas money. I told him that I wasn't going to let him treat me like this in front of son anymore. I didnt' want him to grow up to think that that was ok or to be anything like him.

finally a chance to post again.

it's been a very long time.


But I've decided I need to start documenting everything again, as it's just getting worse and worse again.


Because Aarons so sure his friend Jeremy is into me that he hassles me about it all the time. Like it's all my fault if he is. For starters if he is it doesn't matter cause I'd tell him to fuck off. I don't cheat, never have and never would. But because of that he picks fights with me and makes it all my fault. Not once has he hit up Jeremy about it though. Nice to know he trusts his friends but not me.


I can't wait to be free of him. I'm going to WISE for some help as I don't really knwo how to do this on my own. I want to just save up some money and leave one day when he's not at home. But I don't think it's fair to Basty to have to change schools again and move away from his friends again. Plus this house is perfect for me for working and getting in boarder later for extra money.


I've had all these different ideas and plans running through my head. But I just don't think I have the strength to start all over again. But then I know if I tell Aaron I want us to go our seperate ways then he'll just fight me on it and then threaten to take Dex and start a big shit fight. He still can't face the fact that I'm totally miserable in this relationship and that he is the cause of that.


He has made no effort in the past 3-4 years to get a job, or help with the kids in any way shape or form. He's changed amybe 10 nappies total. The only thing he ever does around the house is cut fire wood and light the fire.


I cook all the meals, wash dishes, put dishes away. Wash, hang out, bring in, fold and put away clothes.
Clean, entertain, bath, bed time routine, it's all me. Put the rubbish out, bring the bins back in. Sew for my boys. Make sure the bills are paid and that Aaron always has what he wants so that he doesn't start a big shit fight over it.


Gotta go, Dex is awake. I'll write more later.