I finally told him

and by him I mean Aaron of course. That I don't love him the way I used to. It all came to a boil after he had a go at me again. No surprises there. Worse still was what he was having a go at me for. I had asked him to watch his language when their are kids in ear shot as he was swearing and yelling at his stupid game and Weston was playing in the lounge and could hear him. He totally nutted out at me, very embarrassing for me as Hayley was here with Weston.

She left and he just got worse and kept going. He was so loud that she rang to ask if I was ok as she could hear him yelling at me from the other side of the park where she lives.

Anyway it all came to a head and I told him that I don't love him the way I used to. That I haven't for a long time. And that I thought that him making some of the changes I asked him to would change the way that I feel about him, but it didn't. I still don't love him the way I used to, and I don't know if I ever will again. He broke down crying saying that he loves me so much and doesn't want to be without me and that he'll do what ever he needs to to make me love him again. He asked me to give him 6 months to fix things, I told him I didn't know if I could live through 1 more month like this. But he's still here and it's been a week since I told him all that.

Nothings changed, for the 1st day he was all over me, but he still doesn't help around the place, I still go to bed alone and get up alone and parent alone 80% of the time, I do everything and I mean everything around the house. And despite the promises that he made me he's gone off at me 3 times since then and not apologised once.

So I've got a few things to sort out in my head and then I'll be telling him he needs to move out, cause I know things aren't going to change, well at least not for the better. And I don't want to end up hating him, which I know will happen if he stays and keeps asking me to let him fix things then doing nothing.

I don't want to feel like this anymore but I loved him so unconditionally through all the crap and cheating and abuse and now I just don't love him anymore and don't want to be with him anymore.

So this is definitely the beginning of the end for me, I know he's not going to accept it, but he'll have to because I don't love him anymore. So if he refuses to move out then I'll take the kids and move out. It won't be easy starting all over again especially cause of my work, but if it's what I have to do with break up with him then I will.

I think he will resign himself to the fact that's it's not working and hasn't been for a long time and that he just needs to accept that and move on with his life and let me move on with mine.