Changes

well seeing as the Play Station Network hs been down for over 2 weeks now, you've had plenty of time for me and the boys. But this hasn't necasarily been a good thing. You all of sudden expect me to drop everything to pander to your needs. But I know that as soon as the network is back online you'll show no interest in me again.

The way you speak down to Basty really really fucks me off. The way you have to put your 2 cents worth in after I've already talked to or disciplined Basty is not needed at all. I told you how I felt and you went completely psycho at me about it. Telling me that you would say what you wanted when you wanted to who ever you wanted and if I didn't fucking like that then I could send him to live with his dad. Sometimes I think he'd be better off with his dad, I know he loves and needs me, but just to have him away from you and your stupid moods. You always take out your crappy moods on me and the boys. Like it's all our fault that the network is offline. I think not.

I'm working now and for the entire 3 days leading up to my 1st day of working from home, all I was worried about was you and your behaviour. I worry that you'll nut out at me infront of some elses child or the parents will hear you when they're dropping off or picking up their kids.
Thankfully you got called in to work this week. A blessing for more than 1 reason. So you're not here during the day. But as soon as you walked in the door last night you were swearing. I was standing there listening to you thinking oh my god how many times can you say Fuck. I'd had such a great day and in under a minute you killed it. Then you took off out to buy weed and smokes instead of spending time with us. I was like oh well. I still got to do my workout as Basty played with Dex while I did it. By the time you got home me and the boys were all fed/worked out, bathed and ready for bed. Then you were like waiting and expecting me to come to bed with you. So typical. You never come to bed early with me, but when you need an early night you expect me to go to bed early with you.
The difference is I stay up late and get up early. I can handle doing that, so I do most nights.

Then this morning after you've left for work you txt me saying that you're worried that I'm falling in love with someone else and that I don't love you anymore. I don't even know why you say stupid shit like that. What just because last night when you wanted sex I wasn't in the mood. But you eventually got me in the mood and we had sex. You did this sulky thing 1st though when I said I was tired and not in the mood. Like I was loosing this weight and not wanting you anymore and you wanted me even more now. I was like year well, you didn't want me when I was fatter but now you want me more.
I told you that I'm not in love with anyone else, there is no one else in my life for fuck sakes, other than you and our boys. What a totally rediculous thing to say. I barely have friends anymore and the ones I do have you're always jealous of. I can't leave the house without you accusing me of cheating on you. I'm just trying to have friends and be happy and feel like I have a normal social life. You're pushing me further away each day with all your stupid paranoia and the way you treat me, speak to me and our kids. I don't know how much longer I can last. But I won't be leaving you for someone else I'll be leaving you for me and my own sanity.

I'm not the kind of girl who needs to get a new man before she finishes with the last one. I know you don't understand that because you've always got a new girl before you finished with the last one. But I'm not that kinda girl and I never will be. I would be quite happy to be on my own.